Monday, 21 April 2014

An Open Letter to a Birth Mom from a Step Mom... Part Two.

And here we are with the second portion of my open letter to the Birth Mom in my life. This is the really beefy stuff where I blatantly point out the things that have been lied about and done inappropriately.

I've spent the last sixteen months being stepped on, verbally abused and flamed publicly online with no support or protection. I could have lost it. I could have gotten hateful and played her game, but I instead decided to document everything...

I spent hours taking screenshots of every post, comment and photo liked or posted. Screenshots that will be used for the salvation of BD and myself when Daughter is old enough to see what was happening behind the keys of a keyboard. And I will hide nothing. I have openly saved everything said not only by myself and BD, but also by BM and her family and friends. It's going to be a wonderful day when balance can finally be restored and the truth has set us free.

So, please, see my defense. See my truth. See the real side of the story. (all of these images are direct screenshots sent to me from various Facebook, Ebay, and other webpages. All of these things have indeed been posted by BM and have been documented in several places for future necessity and evidence). Also? I maintain that I have clear documented evidence for every single thing that I am writing in response to these posts. There is not one thing that I am responding with that I cannot back up with real, actual proof. Something you seem to have been lacking for the last almost two years.

Again, these are in as best a chronological order as possible. 


I guess the first thing that I would like to address is this post. There was never any single person who was secretly and consistently informing either of us of anything. You are paranoid and really were barking up the wrong tree with this. We dealt with all of this entirely on our own and didn’t need the help of other people to “spy” on you or gather intel. You made it fairly easy for us to find any and everything that we needed to know. So please, go make amends with this friend, because they didn’t deserve any of your hatred. We never sent anybody to spy on Daughter (which is a crazy accusation that makes you sound like a lunatic, by the way) or spy on your social media pages.
Now, onto more in-depth topics…

I have seen on MANY occasions that you seem to think that BD and I have been saying you are a bad mother. I’ve gone over and over every single communication that has ever occurred between all of us and there has never, not even one time, been a time that either of us has even SUGGESTED that you are a bad mother. In fact, if you’ll take the time to refer back to emails and texts, you will find that the only suggestion that either of us has ever made about your parenting abilities is that you are a great mom who has raised a really brilliant and polite child. We have never one single time, even in the privacy of our own home, said anything bad about your parenting abilities. We are very aware of the fact that you have done countless incredible things to raise a brilliant, polite and giving daughter. We know that you have given a lot as a mother and that you care about your children and are willing to do anything you feel you need to to protect them, but the recent lengths that you have gone to in the name of being a good mother are atrocious. I’m not saying you are a bad mother, and I can’t stress that enough. I am just saying that perhaps your tactics were not very great and should probably be reflected upon. 


Your accusations of me being jealous of you and me having mental health issues that you seem to be dead-set on making sure people know about are not only ridiculous, but inaccurate and personally very offensive. Firstly, I have never “openly” discussed my mental health with you. Nor have I ever told you that I “mismanage” my medication (mostly because I have been told by many professionals that I do not currently need medication). Beyond all of that, I feel it is important for you to know that I am perfectly happy with the life that I have got and do not need you suggesting that I am jealous about the “state of your uterus.” I could actually give two shits about the state of your reproductive system because I know it is none of my business. Not only that, but if I WERE to give a shit, it would only be excitement because I LOVE babies and the fact that people have the opportunity to create a new life and raise a little babycake for themselves. And my favorite babies in the world are babies that I don’t have to keep for myself. I have been very systematically creating a life for myself and BD that works for us. A life that has allowed me to understand that I don’t need to have a baby to be happy. I don’t need a baby because I have three stepchildren AND countless friends with little ones that I can shower with love and adorable gifts and then leave. Leave and spend time with my husband that is for us. I am perfectly delighted with having Daughter for the visits we have. We love her and spend time with her and make her time entirely worth every moment. She is treated fairly and like she belongs in our home, which she does. She has room in our home and hearts and that is enough for me. You see, I have the capacity to grow as an individual and accept certain truths and paths in life and mine doesn’t involve having a baby. Some days are hard, but in no way have I ever found myself jealous of your womb or that of anybody else. 

Now, on the topic of pregnancy. Let me address THIS post, in which you firstly state that BD “refuses” to have children with me. He doesn’t refuse. He and I are firstly not in a place in our lives where we even WANT to deal with a baby. Alongside that, again, he doesn’t refuse. I am sure that you are aware that BD has been “fixed” and therefore simply cannot have a child without the cost and exhaustion of medical procedures to reverse it. So it’s certainly not that he WON’T have a child with me. We have more important, pressing issues in our life that we have decided leaves us unwilling to have a baby. We’re responsible and want to make sure that if the day DOES come that we decide to have a little one, we are in a safe and comfortable space. 
Also? I’d be SUPER interested to know what “problems” we have been causing. Because I’m pretty certain that I’ve known you are pregnant since September and have literally said not one thing to you (or anyone else for that matter) about it. In fact, the only thing that I have done in reference to your pregnancy is send you a really, incredibly thoughtful handmade gift with no strings attached. And your response to that was the following…

Seriously, I sent you a really amazing, thoughtful, kind gift with absolutely no desire for response or appreciation. Just to be kind and show you that I respect you enough to support your right to have a baby. I even wrote you a really kind note. If you have to be medicated because of a thoughtful gift that is not something I am going to take ownership of. I was being kind. That’s the end of it.

Oh. And just to be clear, if I REALLY wanted to be pedantic, I COULD point out that the email you sent to me on July 14th of last year actually stated the following: "Please do not contact me again, via call, email, or text." Something that I have adhered to exclusively. I have not called, emailed, OR texted you since then. So really, your claim that you asked me not to contact you under "any" circumstances is a little wrong.


Regarding BD being an “elusive” piercer and your really desperate need to prove that he is working… BD has never one time tried to hide his working at the shop. If you stop and think about it logically for a moment, you would realize that he probably wouldn’t have registered a business license with the state and child support if he was trying to hide it. Do you think he would be filing taxes and taking what little money he does make from his job to Child Support if he was trying to hide it? No. The answer is no. If you’ll take a moment to hark back, you’ll probably recall that what he has said is that he doesn’t have MUCH money. He IS indeed a full time student, which doesn’t pay a lot of the bills. I don’t know if I need to remind you that we at one point had to move into a shared apartment with a roommate and sell quite a lot of our belongings because we don’t have a lot of money. We don’t pretend that we have loads of money. And on that topic, let’s look at the next post from you…

I don’t know how brilliant you think you are by finding our Instagrams, but you’re sadly mistaken in thinking that you’ve found anything beyond regular activity. Mostly because a lot of the posts that you are referring to are really old and were from a time when he was still regularly paying his child support (Like the “good rum.” That was bought on New Year ’s Eve in 2011 to ring in the new year of 2012 (meaning we bought it in December of 2011, three years ago, in case you couldn’t do the math). That is a long-ass stretch for your plea about him spending money.) Beyond that, we haven’t been to a concert in quite some time. Like, it has easily been over a year since the last concert we went to. And the “trip after trip?” We go to Ocean Shores, which is a 45 minute drive away from us. We go there and stay in a friend’s house on the beach. I didn’t realize escaping to a nearby free place was a crime, but we’ll keep taking those breaks if that’s okay with you. The only other trip that we took was last year when I PERSONALLY paid for the two of us to go visit BD’s family in California for our anniversary. I felt like after all the stupid court bullshit we deserved a break, and since I could afford it, I did. I make smart financial choices so that we can do nice things once in a while. I paid our bills, put gas in the car and then, when I found that I had some spare money after putting a chunk into savings, I decided that it would be nice for BD to see his parents. And if I recall, I also paid for Daughter to fly out here AND to buy her new clothes and entertainment stuff out of the kindness of my own heart. Are you sure you don’t want to use THAT against us as well? Me arranging Daughter to come visit her dad? 

And now, I am going to correct you here and tell you that Sebastian is MY dog. And because he is MY dog that I paid for, I pay the bills for him. It is ME who orchestrates taking him to the vet and buying him food. It is ME who pays for those things, because I am a responsible adult. I can’t help but feel like you would try to use him against BD in any way you can. If I WASN’T taking him to the vet and feeding him, you would use it against him. And when I DO responsibly take care of my dog and feed him, you use it against him. He is MY dog and I pay for him to be cared for. My dog is none of your business, just as your son and new baby are none of BD’s. This all seems like it is a really weak attempt at clutching onto any little thing you can to demonize BD, which I don’t appreciate. He is MY dog and the care of him is MY business, not yours. The care that my pet receives should and will bare absolutely no reflection on child or any other support that you should or will be in receipt of. 


I have seen you post about this several times and I’m fairly certain that never one single time have either of us ever said that we don’t believe Daughter has Fibrous Dysplasia (yeah, that’s how you spell Fibrous). In fact, even from the beginning when you called BD and told him that Daughter might have cancer (which is an alarming thing to hear from anybody about your child) all he wanted to do was be more informed. He never even told you that Daughter didn’t have cancer, he just wanted to talk to a doctor. Which you immediately became hostile about and then cut off contact, stating that you would press charges if he didn’t stop asking about Daughter’s health care provider. Even at this point, he still never suggested Daughter’s illnesses weren’t true. When the suggestion of Fibrous Dysplasia came into play all we did was support your decision to take her to the doctor. When the time came for Daughter to come visit this summer, I spent countless hours on the phone with you, the local hospital AND the insurance company arranging appointments for Daughter so that she would be able to be seen for her condition. I am fairly certain that if someone didn’t believe that she was ill they would not have supported your decision for incessant appointments. Did I personally think that all the precautions were unnecessary? Yes. But she’s not my daughter and so I let you do as you wish, never once questioning what you were doing or why you were doing it. 
And on the topic of Daughter’s medical issues, I’ve seen the following accusation from you countless times as well… 

Again, never one single time have either of us even SLIGHTLY suggested that Daughter does not have a peanut allergy OR asthma. Let’s touch the asthma first. When Daughter came up to visit for the summer you demanded she go to see a doctor and get an asthma action plan, which we arranged. When we took her in we happily discussed Daughter’s medical issues with the pediatrician who asked Daughter when she had last used her inhaler. Daughter told her it had been over a year, so the doctor said that she didn’t think Daughter needed to use her inhaler anymore. I THEN persisted discussion with the doctor to ensure that she was certain that Daughter wouldn’t need her inhaler. The pediatrician explained to us very clearly that Daughter did not need it and that asthma was something that children often grew out of and that this seemed to be the case with Daughter. 

Regarding the peanut allergy. I have no idea how in God’s name you could possibly think we don’t believe Daughter has a peanut allergy. Every single time Daughter comes to visit we purge our home of every single thing that might be contaminated with peanuts. In fact, since her visit this last summer, I took it upon myself personally to arrange for Daughter to have her own cabinet in our kitchen that contains cutlery, dishes and snacks that are just hers and entirely safe for her to use. If we didn’t believe she had a peanut allergy would we go to such great lengths to protect her from contamination? I would imagine not. Instead, I’ve personally kept in close contact with you each and every time that Daughter has visited to discuss specific things that she might be allergic to ALONG with which medications she might need in the house for her allergies and asthma. So what I’m going to need is for you to STOP demonizing us and telling people that we claim she doesn’t have issues that we’ve gone great lengths to work with you to take care of.

As far as we understand, after speaking to several school administrators AND the attendees from the SARB (Student Absence Review Board) office, the reasons Daughter was taken out of school had nothing to do with bullying. As far as WE understood, she was removed from school because you decided it would be okay to have Daughter miss a ridiculous amount of days of school and when the administrators wanted to meet with you about it to offer you help and discuss it, you immediately removed her from school. You don’t like being forced to be accountable, and unfortunately, sometimes that is necessary. When people point out my own wrongdoings, I will take time to step back and reflect and make changes if needed. Every time you have had an issue with me I have taken time to reflect and then openly discuss whatever that issue was with you to fix the situation and make things right. Because that’s what adults do. They work towards healthy situations to make life easier not only for themselves, but for the other people in their lives, no matter how they feel about them.


I am fairly certain that you are just as aware of the reality of this situation as I am. You were married to BD for several years and I expect that you know for an absolute fact that BD calls his birth father “Pop” and his step-father “Dad.” This has never been argued or contested. But what you DO need to think about is the fact that BD never, ever, under any circumstances, calls either by their loving names in front of the other, as he was raised to respect the sanctity of that title. His mother raised him to know that when he is wither one of his paternal figures, the other should be called by their name (except, in the case of his ACTUAL father… You know, the one who helped to MAKE him? He’s always referred to as his “Dad.” That is a sacred name that is not yours to take away. If a two-year-old little girl mistakenly calls the man who is not the other half of her genes “Dad,” then it is your job as a good mother to correct her and explain to her the difference. It is YOUR job to find an alternative that will allow SD to feel special whilst BD doesn’t have his toes stepped-on. Again, I beg for you to think about what it would feel like for you to know that Daughter called me “Mom” in your absence. How slighted and hurt would you feel to know that someone had taken that very personal and revered title from you? I’m going to go ahead and answer that for you, because I know that it would devastate you, particularly if Daughter came home to you still calling me “Mom.” Put yourself into other people’s shoes, just one time, so that you can feel for them and understand how devastating it is to have something like that taken from you, because you’ve given BD no choice. You’ve taken that, along with countless other things from him with absolutely no regard, and apparently in the name of doing “what’s right” for your children. What is RIGHT for your children is raising them to be kind, empathetic, and family-oriented individual who is allowed and encouraged to love as many people as possible.


Alright. Let’s go ahead and address this gigantic heap of bullshit right now. Firstly? Whilst I GUESS you could technically call me a “trainee,” I had been cutting hair without supervision for over a year at the time, so you can go suck a big one with that. Secondly, I asked your permission prior to doing it. I asked and you said okay. Daughter was MADLY in love with her haircut SHE picked out and was given and was the happiest we had seen her after I gave it to her. ALSO?! We were literally stopped in the street no less than three times per DAY every single day before she left by someone telling us just how indescribably gorgeous she looked with that haircut. Every one of those people wanted to know who did that haircut because they wanted THEIR children to get their hair cut by that person. Just in case you were curious, that person was me. I did a haircut on that little girl that she regularly had to stop to tell me how much she loved. I did a haircut that was complementary and stunning on that child that I had no idea could even GET more beautiful until after that cut. 
 In case there was a question about this “atrocity” I did, please see the following photos… 

The left one is her “beautiful shoulder length hair” and the right is her pixie cut, which is indeed a pixie cut. Suck a dick. This is my JOB, something that you literally know nothing about. I really don’t want you to even begin to think that you have any room to slight my job when I create nothing but happy customer after happy customer, of which Daughter was one. I’m sorry that you can’t handle change and I’m sorry that you aren’t secure enough in yourself to appreciate a ridiculously adorable child with a disgustingly cute haircut done by someone without you there to micromanage every detail. THAT is not my problem and I am going to need you to stop posting bullshit like this, because I will not hesitate to press charges.


Now, let’s talk about my blog. The blog that you’ve know that I’ve had for years. The blog that we have discussed MANY times. The blog that you have told me you appreciate because of my candor and honesty. Yeah, I may say things that you don’t agree with, but the things that I say are honest. Sometimes the truth isn’t pretty. Even BD has been upset by the truths that I have shared on my blog. But every single time we have discussed it and you have expressed a concern about things I say, I tried to accommodate you. I stopped calling you Satan after I got to know you and realized you’re a lovely and hilarious person. I stopped using any of your family’s names, except for your daughter’s and that’s because BD has told me may times that he is perfectly happy with me using her name because I’m not divulging any other personal information. 

So, regarding your first post up there about me apparently stating that Daughter has no morals? That literally never happened. I have agonized for hours and trolled through every single one of my blogs to try and find even the SLIGHTEST suggestion that Daughter has no morals and there is nothing. Not a single things. 

And my post about liars? Your interpretation of it as me calling Daughter a liar is entirely inaccurate. In fact, that post was about you and your mother and was written after the both of you submitted declarations to the court containing nothing but lies. Like, it was full of things that neither of you even had the possibility of knowing. Like when BD and I took Daughter to see BD’s dad? Your mom said that Daughter was given a chocolate bar containing peanuts (I’ll get to the allergy later, don’t worry) and that she put it into her backpack and took it home to you. What ACTUALLY happened was she was NEARLY offered a chocolate bar that I immediately intercepted and gave back. Daughter didn’t even touch the chocolate bar. I then explained Daughter’s peanut allergy to BD’s stepmom and got her a cola. THEN we all sat together and watched Wheel of Fortune and took some photos together before we went back to the place we were staying to have dinner and go to bed. Nobody mistreated her, instead, she was embraced as a brilliant, fun little girl who is WAY better at Wheel of Fortune than we are. So yes, Birth Mom’s friend, you were correct, this WAS about Birth Mom and NOT Daughter.   


I’m sure you’ve been complaining over and over again about the amount of presents that Daughter came home with after Christmas this year. Every single one of her presents were donated to us through my school’s charity to assist low income families to provide presents for their children during the holidays. I was fortunate enough to have a family adopt us and provide a huge amount of great gifts for Daughter. You see, we are fairly resourceful people and know how to find help where it is offered.

Also? Daughter didn’t seem too devastated to spend time with us during her visit. I tried and tried to find any sign that she was unhappy or didn’t want to be with us, and she never displayed any. You don’t need to project your issues onto her. She is allowed to enjoy spending time with us without having to seek your approval. She should be able to look forward to time at either home without it being tainted by an angry or hateful parent. We do nothing but speak your praises about you and Stepdad every day. Each and every night, when she inevitably asks me to put her to bed, we sit and talk about what she misses and loves about you guys and support the love that she should be entitled to have for both households. I wish that you could offer us the same respect, because that would help Daughter out to no end through this process.

Okay, onto the topic of you accusing BD and me of abusing Daughter. I have no idea what you are basing these allegations on, but I am sick and tired of seeing this allegation all over the place. I can’t help but feel like your basis for making these claims are as a result of Daughter coming home to you after our visit this summer after being reprimanded  a few times up here because the rules that she has at home at very different to the rules here at our home. Because both households have different rules and morals, there is expected to be teething problems. She was never mistreated or abused. She did not like being held accountable for the things that she did and said and instead of you understanding that she is a nine-year-old child who interprets things differently than adults, you’ve taken her word for gospel and have taken to accusing us of abusing Daughter. A reasonable person would have heard what Daughter said and knew that she was nine and that they should talk to the other party to understand both sides BEFORE posting all over dozens of pages that we are abusive. That is a truly disgusting and despicable thing to do. Honestly, it would be so easy for us to accuse you of horrible things as well if we were so inclined, but we have desire to do that because we know the weight of accusations like that. People go to jail for lesser things. 

If I might suggest, it might be good to actually sit down and talk with BD and find out exactly what actually happened during the visit, rather than taking a nine-year-old's version of the story. I've no doubt she came home upset, fine, she was scolded, and made to take accountability for actions, but we were not unfair or horrible to her. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that children tend to have different versions of stories because they don't understand things completely and are prone to have higher emotions (especially when they are not raised to be resilient and able to deal with adversity).


Woooh doggie this is a frustrating topic for me because again, in this situation, if it did indeed occur as you say it did, you should have contacted one of us to discuss it with us. Because as far as I can recall, it was Daughter who wanted to watch the film Mama. It was also Daughter who was joking and whispering that SHE was Mama and terrifying the crap out of ME (as I am fairly fragile and scare easily). This went on for DAYS in between her asking if we could watch it again and if we thought you would let her have that film at home. Not one sleepless night was had and we were all copacetic. And you know what? When Daughter got here for Christmas this year I sat down and discussed the film with her and she was fine. We talked about it openly and it was a completely reasonable discussion that ended with a mutual agreement that we would watch no more scary movies. Perfectly sensible. I wish you would be willing or able to try this sensible approach with us and Daughter sometimes, because I feel like it would make a whole lot of things easier.

This is just a little fun one for me because you firstly didn’t NEED to sell anything if you had just dealt with this like an adult and either spoke to BD or called the County Clerk’s office to find out what your options were. I’m sure you’re curious what my second and most fabulous point is, aren’t you? We never had to pay a penny for parking fees. THAT is my favorite thing about your inaccuracy. 


I find it interesting that you are so quick to call him a jerk when, if you look at the situation from another point of view, you would see how ridiculous your request for a meeting was. You wanted a man who is representing himself to come into a meeting mediated by a lawyer that YOU pay to discuss settling your Parenting Plan. How in the name of God does him wanting fair and open mediation to protect his rights make him a jerk? Because in my head, he was doing the responsible thing for himself. What YOU didn’t like is that is that you didn’t get your way. YOU wanted to be selfish and corner him in a foreign office and bully him into whatever you wanted and that is unacceptable. You are not allowed to bully him and should just understand that you aren’t the only person to be considered through all of this. Daughter is fine. She had no concerns or scarred emotions that were visible during her visits, which leads me to believe that the emotions you are talking about here are projections of your own insecurities and worries. Daughter is fine. Children are surprisingly resilient and she is a great, understanding, and loving child who deserves to be loved by as many people as possible without you controlling those relationships. Also, I’d love to hear more about your prognosis of BD’s mental illness, because as far as I understand, you are certainly not a mental health professional and definitely not in a position to make calls on the state of people’s mental health. So please, perhaps focus your concern on your family and stop trying to project such hate onto other people with lies and accusations.

Also? She’s not just YOUR daughter. She is both yours AND BD’s and you will do well to recall that in the future. We have done large amounts of reading in the past several months about High Conflict parenting and one of the biggest signs of a High Conflict or Narcissistic parent is the constant reference as the child as YOURS. I’d be happy to refer some books to you if you’d like? 


Regarding me asking Daughter if you were pregnant. I am going to stop you right here and now and tell you flat out that I never, not even one time, asked her if you were pregnant. In fact, she was the one that brought it up over and over again by randomly saying to us, “I wish I had a little sister.” To which we would reply, “Well, do you think your mommy may have another baby one day?” and her responses were always a series of increasingly hesitant nos. This continued for the week she was with us until BD ended up asking her if you were pregnant. Read: BD. NOT ME. She then looked ashamed and said that you were and we did nothing but build it up and tell her we were excited for her. We then very abruptly changed the conversation to her going home and spending time with you and Stepdad again. So again, I would like to reiterate that I did NOT ask Daughter if you were pregnant. BD did. 
  And you know what? So what if I had? Exactly what harm would it do if I wanted to talk to your daughter about how excited she is to have a new sibling? Instead, the entire situation turned into her feeling ashamed for sharing her excitement with us, which is wildly inappropriate. She should be allowed to be excited about having a new little sister or brother without having to worry about what you are going to say about sharing that excitement with someone you may not agree with. It’s not like she’s going to strangers and discussing your life. She’s come to her father and stepmother and shared something she is truly looking forward to.

More than anything, I’d just love to hear what you think you did to “bend over backwards” trying to end this. Seriously, you could have ended this before it ever even started by discussing it with BD openly and not forcing him to file court paperwork. Instead, after receiving a really reasonable text from him, you sent him a barrage of accusatory, hateful messages that was then followed by you cutting off contact. THEN, over the last year, you decided to hire a terrible lawyer who dragged everything out for a year. Like, I don’t know if you think that posting shitty accusations all over the internet is helpful to ending court proceedings, but it certainly isn’t. If you think constantly cutting off contact not only with BD, but also his family is helpful, it isn’t. You know what else isn’t helpful? Requesting retarded stuff for a Parenting Plan. Stuff that you know is not going to be accepted. You spent this entire process doing things that were selfish in the name of being a good and responsible mother, but all it turned out being is malicious, hateful, and ultimately the reason all of this lasted as long as it did. As far as I have seen, BD was the one who spent much of his time bending over backwards to end this by always offering prompt responses to you and your lawyer, by trying to continuously open up lines of communication, by requesting reasonable options for the Parenting Plan and by generally being a good person and not stirring up shit whenever he had a bit of spare time. Please, try and look at the situation a little more objectively and realize what the roles really looked like, because the reality of it is that we tried over and over again to maintain healthy communication whilst refusing to give in to hostile communication and passive-aggressive posts. 


And finally, this. The most recent and probably one of the more frustrating, purely because it really does highlight just how different a world you live in.  I will quote the reply posted to this by my friend... a reply that was VERY quickly deleted (because GOD FORBID you are wronged and outed like you've been doing to us for over a year now). The reply stated the following...

"are you sure it didn't say, 'I will persist until I succeed' with the origin of the photo being from '' Are you SURE that she didn't put it up because she's been (rather successfully) attempting to get to her goal weight and therefre put it there as a daily reminder of her dedication to that?"

I'll just leave that topic at that. I have been working to better myself and lose weight for several months now and I wanted to provide myself a really blatant reminder on something that I look at daily. Everyone needs encouragement, and I would hope that I could survive bullshit penalization for wanting to boost my morale, especially from you. If I had wanted to post something sassy like that regarding the court case (which I wouldn't have, because I'm not petty, nor am I hateful enough to need to shroud my entire life with that kind of attitude), I would have probably put it up a year earlier, nearer to the beginning of the proceedings. 

Also? I have no idea what you mean by me acting like Daughter was "carried under" my heart. What the hell does that even mean? I have absolutely no confusion about my position in Daughter's life. I am her step-mother. A title that SHE gave me prior to me even beginning to think about it. I will fight for her rights to have a relationship with her birth-father and my husband and I will also spend time with her, draw with her before bed, take her camping, teach her crafts, and learn how to play video games with her. I will not, and do not step on my boundaries as a step-parent, and I would appreciate a little more respect than what you are providing me. I don't have any confusion about who gestated or birthed her, nor am I deluded about who her mother is. I am perfectly happy being able to just be a part of her life without needing any further titles or responsibilities. I will do what she, her father, or you ask of me, but that is it. I won't take liberties, nor will I take advantage. 

Finally, I want you to know that BD and I have spent a great amount of time reading supplemental information about creating healthier and better shared-parenting household relationships that I really think have helped us not only to find better ideas when we have been lost, but just know that we are not alone. I would love to recommend some books (that aren't themed around your current obsession of claiming you are the survivor of domestic abuse) that helped us and might put both of our houses closer to the same page, if you are interested. 

I want you to know that I will be here, patiently waiting for when you decide to start being kind again. When you decide that you want to have a healthy relationship between all parties for the betterment of Daughter AND us. Just let me know. 

I hope your pregnancy is going well. I know you should be about to pop now, so keep rested and take care of yourself, because you need to pop out another gorgeous little one (because you seem REALLY skilled at making stunning children!). I hope you're feeling okay and that the baby is in good health. Be well.